finally back! (at least 1/2 of this blog team is)

for all the blog stalkers out there (and i know there are SO many of you!) just for your information:
this isn't just MY blog. it's SOMEONE else's too...but he hasn't been pulling his weight lately. and i guess i haven't really either. so enough laziness! here's whats going on in my life lately. (and, of course, how i feel about it all)

yesterday was baccalaureate (spelling??) and it was actually a really cool service. minus the fact that those damn blue graduation gowns are SO freaking HOT. but robby painter gave an awesome address and thomas leathers was definitely working it in the choir. but the weirdest part of it all was just looking around at everyone in the grade and realizing that one week from now we are all going to be completely finished with high school. after the summer ends, we will all go off in different directions to different schools-and things will never be the same again. i have never felt such mixed feels about an event in my whole life.
-on one hand, graduating is the greatest thing. you get showered with gifts and sweet cards from people you've never said more than 2 words to. graduation brings the end of getting up every morning at the ass crack of dawn to go to a place you are forced to spend 7 hours in, 5 days a week. it means its FINALLY time for college-supposedly some of the best four years of your life. im excited about all these things. but most of all...
-graduation sucks. this is embarrassing, but i'm crying writing this post. it was honestly hard to come up with good things about graduation-but it's not really the graduating part, it's the leaving part. brentwood is my home. i've never known anyplace else. i really do love it here, but most of all-im comfortable here. i know where everything is and where everyone lives. losing that level of comfort is going to be really hard for me. but at the same time, i think being too comfortable is a bad thing. which is why i know it's time for me to leave and experience a place outside my comfort zone.
on top of all of this, clearly it's going to be extremely hard to leave behind the people that i care about. don't get me wrong, i cannot wait to meet new people and make new friends! but what about the old people? the ones that i count on right now- the people that i love and cant imagine living away from. the truth is that its uncommon to keep in touch with good friends with the people you knew in high school- and i'm not too naive to believe otherwise. but why the hell does it have to be this way?! i don't want to lose touch with these people (you know who you are). that's probably the reason for the tears. right now, i promise to do the absolute BEST i can to continue my friendships with everyone i love when i go to college. and even after that.
-so i worry about losing my friends, but i hardly ever worry about losing my family. but recently i've been thinking about this. i love my parents and will miss them, but i can't wait to be on my own. i'm talking about my little brother. i'm pretty sure the thought of not being a part of his life makes me the most emotional...luke and i got really close this year. hes 15 and im 18- and the age gap doesn't seem big to me at all anymore. we think the same way, and so i respect his opinion and he respects mine. and i want to watch him grow up. it kills me that i'm gonna have to be 5 hours away from him as he goes through high school. :-( im going to miss our car rides to school and goofy inside jokes, his stupid stories and our mutual love for sonic happy hour. luke, if you ever stumble (haha) on this blog at some point in your life, know that i love you with all of my heart and i've always got your back. you can count on that.

ok, i interrupt this (long) post to apologize for getting all mushy and emotional. but if you can't express your true feelings on a blog- where can you say them!?
that was pretty deep, so that's enough writing for now. soccer ball, its your turn. and no video posts! i wanna know what's going on inside that strawberry blond head of yours.

this is tie dye saying "happy graduation!" :-) ? or :-( ?
:-/