damn those y kids...

they are almost as bad as the cicadas. and those blow.

once again its summer time. this is one of the most wonderful times of the year, where children are able to frolick around without the worries of school, quizzes, examinations, or the peer pressure from other students while they try to peer in the bathroom at school. so where do all these children go during the hot hours of the day, right as the sun reaches high noon, and when most people start to sweat their asses off just looking outside a window? ofcourse, they go to the local ymca. not just any ymca though. seriously though, fuck green hills and maryland farms. they suck. the only true ymca that provides class, style, and the glitz and glamour that the rich fucks of our town want is all found at the brentwood family ymca located on concord road. before the bp station (those bitches fucked up the ocean and never clean it up, bastards), but after the public library (yes, thats where the study rooms are).

now that i made the ymca sound like a super awesome and crazy place to be, which it is, i would like to explain a few things that personally i have experienced with my time at the y. does anyone want to hear about my ymca history? (tiedye raises her hand in the crowd) "yes, you little girl. i will tell you". well as a young child, just a small boy growing up in the lazy town of university city, outside of charlotte, north carolina, i joined the ymca. as a youth, i joined the sports programs where i excelled as a superb athlete. along with my extreme soccer, t-ball and recreational basketball skills, patricia (my mother) had the brilliant idea to enroll me in the swim classes. there i was instructed to get in the water and swim like a fish. i said fuck that. apparently i was scared of the water and didnt want to swim. some may say thats pussy shit, but come on, i was 3 or 4 years old, so thats normal and not pussy shit. every kid is a pussy at that age. after many tiring weeks of swimming practice and tears, i finally was able to get in the water and atleast do some floating or whatever the fuck kids do these days in the pool. from that moment on, the ymca has been close to my heart. i have been a loyal and not sexually abusive employee for almost 4 years, and i actually have gotten a raise since ive been here, even with the depressing economy that still exists in our country.

some of you might ask (tiedye raises her hand again)...damn that girl has alot of questions.... but its ok cause shes kinda cute ;) a little too forward, quite possibly. and yes, that was a fucking winky face, deal with it. ....maybe i shouldnt have written that....well whatever. anyways...... back to the question. what goes on at the y these days, particularly regarding swim lessons? "Well tiedye, once again you have an excellent question, and i would love to tell you all about it". but first, here are a few points that everyone should know about y kids:

1. they cant swim, no matter what their parents say.
2. they suck at following directions.
3. even if they try to hug you, resist the temptations and stick with a high five
4. sometimes they can be cute.
5. note "sometimes" above
6. see point 1
7. they always have to go potty but then they never go and i know they end up just pissing on the side of the pool
8. i swear they shit their pants sometimes. i can smell it
9. if they could do it on their own they wouldn't be in swim lessons
10. sometimes their parents do not speak english, beware of terrorists
11. be careful when playing tsunami with the indian kids.
12. but seriously, thats such a racist game
13. fucking playing tsunami. i cant stand to see them cry during it
14. see for yourself, take a trip to the local y.

lastly, everyone should follow all the ymca kids on twitter @Kids_at_the_Y

these children love to tweet all about their y experiences and about how much fun they are having.

for now, this is all.

still smelling like chlorine,

soccerball